2014 Update to Best Places to Live, here.
2017 Update to Best Places to Live, here.
Two years back, I researched the best places to live if you’re starting out – or starting over. I covered various ages and stages. But what if you’re at midlife, say 50 or older? What if you’re in full-blown “reinvention” mode?
Let’s face it, many of us are in the “starting over” category, and more than once. We don’t necessarily have buckets of cash at our disposal much less a partner ready to share and support our adventures. You could say that starting out at 22 or 25 puts you squarely in the same situation, but there’s a significant difference – life is generally all about you.
And that’s as is it should be. You’re young, strong, flying the nest or finishing college. You may be plenty scared but you’re taking off all the same, about to gain experience and discover what works for you. As the saying goes, “you have your whole life ahead of you.” It’s frightening – and thrilling!
Starting over after age 50 offers its own set of considerations – advantages, yes – and also constraints.
It’s not better or worse, but it’s certainly different. And it’s about letting go as much as diving in. It’s more than relocation; it’s a process of rediscovering yourself.
Why Start Over at 50 or 60?
So why are people starting over at 50 or 55 or 60?
- You find yourself free and somewhat aimless, as you start over after a marriage ends. We all know that gray divorce is on the rise, and widowhood may strike at any time.
- Your kids have moved on with their lives, and single or partnered, you long for something new without necessarily crossing a continent or an ocean to see your children, or possibly grandchildren.
- You may be starting over in a career or job, which is no longer unusual at midlife. But you will be competing with younger men and women, and you’re targeting a job market with appropriate opportunities.
- Whatever the reason for starting over, along with your additional wisdom often come aches and pains, the expense of doctors or medications, the need for a certain climate, and also, affordability and accessibility necessary to maintain physical health.
- You may be willing to admit that while you’ve always wanted to live on the West Coast or the East Coast – or London or Paris – you have less energy or emotional resilience than you had 25 years earlier. Or even five years earlier!
I’ve been surprised at how often my two-year old research continues to provide some sort of service. Recently, one or two Empty Nesters have popped by to read, so I thought I would update those findings specifically for the 50+ crowd, pull together whatever I could find on the web, and add a few thoughts of my own.
I have a vested interest; I’m no longer contemplating Empty Nest. I’m there.
Unsettled at Empty Nest
Facing those “starting over” questions is tough at any age and in any number of circumstances. If you’re married, you have two individuals to consider, and possibly two jobs, two sets of preferences in what you envision as the next chapter, and ideally, a partner with whom to share the decisions and the stress.
It’s less frightening to start over when you’re not alone, which doesn’t mean it isn’t unnerving.
If you’re single at Empty Nest?
It’s another ballgame. On the downside, most likely you have only yourself to depend on financially. However, you also need only please yourself when it comes to the future. At least, that’s what we think a few years earlier. Let me say, the reality may present differently.
In fact, a recent comment on “Starting Out and Starting Over” states:
I’m… struggling to feel comfortable with this next life chapter without my children… I feel so unsettled and torn.
What is adding to this Empty Nester’s understandable indecision?
Young adult children spread across the US, and a strong desire to live her own life more fully, having survived a bout of cancer.
Resources on Starting Over After 50
Speaking purely of the women I know, we seem to carry the familial care-taking role with us well beyond our active care-taking years. Ceasing to do so – even provisionally – is a challenge. We find ourselves seeking compromise scenarios in which we gain additional measures of whatever we want for ourselves, without feeling as though we’re straining critical connections to loved ones who depend on us.
We hope to settle on reasonable geographic access to family – for them, as well as for ourselves.
So how do we choose potential destinations? If we know what the considerations are, how do we select a place to start over while hedging our bets?
- AARP provides a nice summary of options on Starting Over After 50. It offers its Top 10 Places to Live on $100/Day including Spokane (WA), San Antonio (TX), Roanoke (VA), and Pittsburgh (PA).
- CNN’s Money Magazine offers its list of Top Places to Live (not age-specific), based on financial considerations.
- MSN Real Estate features its 10 Best Places for Starting Over when it comes to housing options.
- If you’re looking to work, from AARP and focusing on 2013: Best Employers for Workers Over 50.
I also suggest that if you’re searching for potential partners, you find demographic data on available men or women in your age range. Google, for example, “Best Places for Meeting Single Men Over 50.” You get the idea.
But keep in mind that you should be focusing on this next chapter in your life – not just a year or two. Think big, or at least, “bigger.” Reinvention may be an overused term, but it’s appropriate for millions of us. This Huff Post piece, hot off the online press, mentions an upcoming PBS Special focused on exactly that!
What’s Next?
I may have mused on what’s next for Hillary Clinton not long ago (and had some fun doing it), and we may have to wait a bit to see what’s next for her in 2016. Hillary aside, most of us are not flush with funds and, simply put, a “misstep” made at 50 or 60 provides less recovery time than the same experience at 30 or 40 – financially as well as emotionally.
The bottom line? When you’re 50 years old and starting over, knowing where to turn, much less where to begin, involves a complex set of decisions.
When you’re considering how far and wide to cast your net for potential relocation, I would certainly factor in your:
- Propensity for risk and your ability to be flexible
- Financial situation (not just now, but 5 years out, 10 years out, etc. – run the numbers!)
- Comfort with travel (if children and grandchildren will be far away)
- Need to make friends quickly; how sociable you are
- Romantic interests (looking to date?)
- Career / profession – whether newly starting or taking it on the road
- Health / medical needs – not just today, but in 5 or more years’ time
- Ability to change your mind – financially and logistically
- Possibilities of a trial period in the proposed location if possible
- Ability to view the new location and life as one where you can see yourself older (10+ years? 20 years?)
Gather Suggestions and Input
Suggestions for how to gather data of your own – that is tailored to you?
Do you belong to any Facebook groups in which members live in the areas you’re considering? Can you ask for input?
Perhaps you have friends or relatives you can stay with for a few weeks, as a sort of trial period without making a major move.
Have you asked your children how they feel about you relocating? Have you factored in travel logistics and expenses, or the extent to which you will tolerate living at a distance from family?
Are there others you can tap for their counsel?
Do you know what you’re good at? What interests you? Where can you pursue what you’d like to learn or try your hand at?
Using myself as an example, both my sons are in college. One will be in the Northeast for another few years and the other, in a matter of months, could be almost anywhere including either coast or Europe.
As to how I make my living, theoretically, a writer or consultant can work remotely anywhere with reliable Internet. Then again, there’s the issue of proximity to service providers I’ve known for years, existing relationships (and all their complexities), not to mention the comfort of what is familiar – especially important (in my opinion) when you’re single and female.
Yes, I’ve made some assumptions in that statement. They apply to me; they may not apply to you. And I might also say that Paris is familiar!
Starting Over After 50 and Single
The woman who commented recently has specific questions. She is ahead of the game because she knows generally what she’s looking for, and she’s soliciting input and feedback. She’s in her 50s, and it sounds like she’s single.
I want a friendly town and smart. Spiritual but authentic. A place with a lot to do but not a lot of neighborhood noise at night. No humidity. No cold. I’m thinking of Silver Lake, CA or Santa Monica.
These aren’t places I’m familiar with.
Any readers who are? Any real world input to provide? Any alternative suggestions?
I could say the same myself; while I’ve lived in Paris and loved it, I’m not sure I want to be an ocean away from my sons at this time. I’m not 100% convinced I could remake my life overseas, though that doesn’t mean I’ve dispensed with that idea; like this reader, I find myself feeling unsettled and torn.
- So for now, do we have input on Silver Lake and Santa Monica?
- Other suggestions for locations that are warm, friendly, authentic, and things to do?
- And if you have some, any details on the social life and the cost of living?
- Have you relocated at 50+ or are you considering doing so?
- What are you learning from that experience?
- Who else is dreaming of Paris or some other far-off locale, at least for a few weeks to soak up all it has to offer?
- How are you managing to balance being realistic with a desire for something new?
Don’t forget to visit To Move or Not to Move: That Is (Not) the (Only) Question.
2017 update to Best Places to Live, here.
Tell Us Where You Live, Tell Us Why You Like It, here, as 50+ readers offer details on their locations (2017).
And… If you would like to share your story — concerns, special challenges, questions, suggestions and successes — and connect with others, please email startingover50plus @ gmail.com.
Images, BigStockPhoto.
Image of Paris Rooftops, Yours Truly.
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Holy Cow !
I’m a vegetarian who loves my leather bags & shoes. I grew up in Beverly Hills. I’m energetic, I just mk sure I rest, 62 and I have a son w special needs turned 25 and is about to join 2 other young men in a Home of his own.
… And I decided to divorce my husband after 31 years.
All of you writing on this site I would love to meet including the woman who has provided us with the space to find each other !!!
I have plans; Lots of Them.
Here is a shout to Pia Louse, maybe you’ve already moved on & hopefully in a beautiful Way ! I too wish to be back in Los Angeles! I propose the possibility of sharing a place. I’ve been in Tucson for 18 years, it’s lovely for people who wish to move at a slow pace. I’m not I’m 62, play tennis, run with my dogs; adore the water and wish to get kayacking ; etc., etc.
Now, I’m also 1/2 real Italian, I learned it in Italy. Yet, I have fallen in love with Paris !!! Paris makes my heart twitter! Even though honestly I left my heart in San Francisco, my husband for 31 yrs. life is funny & fantastical.
How do we connect ?
Drop a line here: startingover50plus @ gmail.
Hello, I am also 50 and trying to start over. Married 29 years unhappily and finally got the courage to leave it. Still working through selling the house and everything in it so very stressful at the moment. I am studying Reiki and hot yoga is my medication of choice at the moment even though I suck at it lol. I stumbled upon this blog and saw there are so many like me. I was so happy as if we were a tribe and find so many things in common. Is this a website? I’m not sure how to find it again and want to continue to follow how everyone is getting along in this crazy thing called life! I am thinking of relocating to San Diego from New York where I am now since my daughter lives there and the rest of my children are planning on going there too. Thanks for any info someone might have on relocating and finding peace and our smile again. Peace and Love. C
Hi I’m 53 and live in San Diego just email with any questions about the area I grew up here.
I do yoga as well it does help through the hard times.
Light and love
M
Christine, Technically, this is a blog. If you’re interested in connecting with some others 50+ who are looking to “start over” – jobs, relocations, etc. – then drop a line here: startingover50plus @ gmail.
I am constantly amazed at how many of “us” their are. I worked up to 3 jobs at one point in the last 7 years (after the recession hit) and sent 1/3 if not more home to my children. My boys are now graduated from college and starting their lives. Ironically, I’m starting mine over as well! I left Los Angeles and left the past 7 years there. My first venture; my first intention was to move back to Minnesota to be by my children and family. I’m two weeks in, no job, no potential for financial stability here … my next chess move is Arizona ! Phoenix to be exact… job offer, bonus and two year contract. Yet, I’ll be far from my family. There is an upside and a downside. I could go on and on… I choose to not just exist !
i hear ya where to go , live make a friend .RN here for many a year -one husband 2 children one passed one liviing . THEY HAVE new life now I was a dedicated wife and mother for yrs for my child sucessful and love late in life for me hmm whi am i i dont know i love outdoor activities is all i know not much tv but going and exploring… seen life and death first hand ..
Is there a facebook group for these posts, where we can connect?
If interested in the FB group, drop a line here: startingover50plus @ gmail.com.
I live in Santa Barbara. Lovely but unbelievably expensive–I’ll bet all of Trump’s cabinet have 2nd or 3rd homes here. Doctors are scarce, most don’t take Medicare or even any insurance, we’re in a drought so water has been cut in half (though they keep building!). Most disappointing, I haven’t met but a few women, not a single desirable man in 4 years! They already have their families here, their friends, their spouses, or use the town only part-time.
Santa Monica is for the young, overpriced and has so much traffic you’ll live in your car. My daughter lives there. I don’t know Silver Lake except it’s a suburb of LA. I know there is a big LGBT community.
I have to leave, but where?? I’ve thought CO, OR or New Zealand, if I have the guts.
New Zealand! Wow! (I know there are readers from NZ here… Any recommendations for Judith?)
So what are your top criteria for where to move? Have you started laying them out? Are you a California native? And was there a precipitating event that is encouraging you to move?
(My own relocation a few months back was the result of an accumulation of events, and considerations relative to my kids as well as work opportunities. I’m curious what motivates your desire to leave, if anything, in addition to $$ and a paucity of eligible men — two excellent reasons, by the way, IMO.)
If you haven’t popped by here, a post focusing on not just “if” to move, but determining where to move, you might find the conversation interesting.
I lived and went to school here all through my 20s. I briefly married a really good guy, but I guess I was drawn to the darker. While still married, we separated, but remained friends and went to each others’ houses. Then he got a roommate, who was handsome and pursued me with a vengeance to leave and go to law school with him. Like the smitten fool I was then, I believed. But of course later, MUCH later (34 years), I found out I meant nothing but a convenient housekeeper and babysitter. He already had someone, and I saw that as his treatment of me worsened, the more they were involved. Here I am.
I want to leave this country, but find such a big change, NZ by myself, daunting at my age. It was a mistake to come back to SB. You can never really go home again…
About where to go, I’m still deciding. I will make some short trips here and there. But I have been without friends for four years because everyone is SO busy. So making friends is first, but this is a very difficult decision and completely different from picking up and moving when you are 25.
Judith, Have you written down your goals in relocating – the top three for example? Have you done any ‘documented’ daydreaming that captures the sort of environment you like?
Have you listed your hard constraints?
I suggest setting aside the fear of actually ‘doing it,’ temporarily.
What draws you to NZ, for example?
And are there places you know you can eliminate?
New Zealand is not keen to have those over 50. They are trying to repopulate the younger generation as many graduates go over to Australia for work (better in Sydney though expensive). NZ is a wonderful country, nice people, great climate, outdoors, though not as friendly in Auckland. I spent 3 weeks in a campervan traveling by myself and would move there in a heartbeat if I could. But if you are older (and American) it is unlikely they would allow it (unless you bring your big bucks with you to invest). 🙂
Oregon is beautiful and cheap! No sales tax here, Income tax is reasonable. Good weather and inexpensive housing. Beautiful homes range 200K to 400k. Rivers and forests are all around us. The only places that are expensive are up north in and around Portland. The coast and here inland 75 miles are all reasonable with all the amenities you would want.
I have considered Oregon. But Portland and suburbs are expensive now, even greater than Colorado. What towns inland would you suggest? Is there work? Thanks.
That actually sounds a lot like what I am looking for. After 31 years in a tumultuous marriage, I too am eager to make a break. I just want to be on my own and let life take me where it may. I have been in the medical field many years working double to support my family. Its time for me….I will further investigate this location. Again thanks.
I lived in Bend Oregon for 13 years. Its gorgeous, but housing is expensive. A very Yuppie feel now, but some old cowboys running around still. lol. I’m now in Utah, and miserable!
sounds nice jobs for old nurses?
I live in Maryland, near Annapolis, and it is very expensive for one income. Everything is expensive, and everyone charges a lot of money to do jobs for you around the house. If you don’t have someone to help you out, it is very difficult. I am on my own and only have acquaintances in my life. I don’t have money to go out and have dinner, see a movie, travel, not even for day trips. I figure if I am going to have to live frugal, I should at least be saving money, but my paycheck is taken up by the townhouse and 12 years later, I am still upside down. I have lupus and work at home so I am in a unique situation where I can move and still pull in a Maryland salary. I considered Delaware, because it is only about 2-3hours from Maryland, for any time I am called into a meeting. I think that could happen maybe once a year, if at all. The problem with the East coast is the extremely hot summers and cold winter. Both which bother my lupus. I though the West Coast might be better, but I am not sure how I would handle the time zone change with work and lupus. I just don’t understand how I can live in such a busy, diversified and crowded area, and yet be so alone. Most friends have disappeared, married, and just literally drifted away. I just think because I need a change, it is time to start researching areas for consideration. My plan is to do this over the next two years.
Hi Judith,
I feel the same as you… I have lived in Ventura County for quite a while. Have you been to New Zealand?
Curious to hear what you have found.
-Steve
Like you, I’m gutless. I’m 56, kids grown, looking for friends, stability, safety, affordability!
House share any other female?! Born & raised in Texas, but love so many other places!
I’m gay, btw, and lonesome, lonely, tired, broke, sad, scared.
Hey 56, I’m 55, not gay, never married or kids and from Texas, but have moved around a lot, but only back to TX because parents are getting up there and this scares me. I have really never liked living in Texas or care much about the culture there. I was raised in Texas in a coastal town which I did like. The rest of Texas is not for me. I have moved around a lot living in some of the nations largest cities and some of the smallest. My favorites have always been coastal areas maybe because I have that in my soul from being around the ocean the majority of my childhood.
What I have learned: Worked in the airlines for several years so traveled US and international. I was always recording my travels in my memory so I could choose later where I would want to retire and stay. I have known always what I like in places to live. Most important for me is a community feeling of positive people and very important laid back and relaxed, casual dress, no keeping up with the jones attitudes, a ton of natural beauty to enjoy that is off limits to any type of commercial buying and business. A place where people care about health and living over materialism and egos. Big cities in my opinion are just breeding grounds for crime, more stupid laws and regulations and unhealthy competition to get more and love yourself more. All of these things are dead ends and life sucking. No Thanks. My opinion about Silver Lake and SANTA MONICA are about the same. I have lived in or very near to both of those places. Yes, the ocean is beautiful, ocean air and atmosphere feels great on your skin and lots to do, this is Santa Monica. Silver Lake no way. Crime is higher, expensive. I enjoyed my tjme for the most part in Cal, but now, I want more relaxed, less crime, no traffic, no materialism and less people moving in and moving out.
Comment more later.
“I was raised in Texas in a coastal town which I did like.” I’m curious which coastal town in Texas? Did you move back to your home town? What did you find the same that you like and what did you find different that you like?
Everyone and a lot things change in a half-century of living. Curious to hear what you found of benefit to 55+ people.
Hi I agree with you on Santa Monica. The ocean is nice but the housing /rental prices are too high. I’m living here now. I feel there’s a lack of community. It might be a better spot for 20 somethings and families. Also I think there are many more women than men in the 40″s and 50’s age range. I am looking to move from here. I’m looking for some of the same qualities in a place that you mentioned. Maybe somewhere in the South.
Hello, Patricia,
Im at a point in my life where I truly need a change. My children are married and have given me grandchildren, but the fact is, I seldom see them with everyone having such a busy life. I’ve had this very strong feeling the last few years that I really want to live somewhere else. I’ve lived in Illinois most of my life and it was fine when I was married and my children needed me. All of that has changed. I want to live in a warm climate. I want to meet new people and make lots of new friendships. I’m a very social person, but I also like quiet time as well. I love nature be it relaxing at a seaside cafe or hiking on trails of beautiful green and wildflowers. I’ve had my heart broken more times in many different ways than I’d care to say. I have worked in a clinical setting and have also worked in human services. My first job after my children were all in school was property management and I loved it. My real age is much younger than my biological. I’m often asked how I stay so young and healthy, and I’m humbled by that…I don’t have the answer, other than to say I love to cook and use herbs and spices, healthy fats, with an occasional splurge just to keep it real. I would suppose if I really had one good answer it would be to show respect, kindness, compassion, and love to all living things. I have a good heart that has been bruised but still beats. And as long as it continues to do so, I willI will continue to show respect, be kind, compassionate and love with all of it….that’s the only way I know how to. But I’m itching to find a new place to start live. I’m not running away from here, but walking away to find new adventures and live to live in peace.
Ella.
I love your posting ❤️
Season greetings Ella,
Reading your words is as if we met and i am directing you what to write on my life. Only thing misses are the missJustice i face after my two (both) of my eldest was taken away one by hit and run the other by try-out medication as a young child. For me relocating is not that easy. The real problem is getting someone genuine to keep your home while you do a trial run. I did for Six Months when to Guyana South America had to come back to U.K. when other people and their problems clean me out. Came back to face other problems getting back in my house. Had to sleep on the street the weekend since the Cops refused to help me. Saying i was away and the part time tenant was paying the bills. So just be careful not to give up your place and know who you will leave inside your hom. for our own at times does out to stab us in the back. Be extra careful.
I am originally from a state on the East coast, but have been living in the troubled state of Illinois for around 15 years now. I am seeking changes in my life, especially since my daughter and her family are moving back East.
I would like to connect with like minded women who are commenting here. Seems like we all have a lot in common.
Very much looking forward to having a FB group or other way of getting to know some of you better.
I am facing a divorce after a long marriage to a much younger man. I find it so hard to meet men that don’t seem soooo old to me. I am 64 and live in a suburb of NY. I have all my friends here but most people live here when raising kids, not as a single woman.
Would love any thoughts of how to deal with my situation.
Thanks,
Joan
Joan, I’m sorry for your loss. As twice divorced and close approaching my 60’s, I will suggest what I learned from my favorite phycologist, Dr. Joy Brown. No matter your gender or where you live, give yourself one year from the date of the final divorce decree before dating anyone. It takes time to heal and to process what is or just happened, talk it out with a counselor (not friends) if talking and support is what you feel you need, and to get to know yourself as an individual person again. For me, I went through the “Who am I?” and the “What now?” questions, shock and rebuilding myself. Divorce is hard and it hurts a lot! Getting to know myself as a single person has been very important.
Greetings Joan,
You sound like you are heading in the correct direction. Divorced is never easy especially when one feel you give your all with no gain in return. For me will be sixty soon had a second divorce since 1997. Years on still having trust issues due to both very disastrous marriages. Once arrange in 1972 as a child to a older dad of two already drunken gambler cop.To name all that was bad of a man he was.The older sister who had dislike me that much to wed me to him. Leave me with him went to New York and made life for herself. She still childless but never help us. Was a wife on the run after 10 horrific years. Journey took me to Living and working in hiding 9 out of 10 region in Guyana. When found escape to Brazil with help.Went back when the dust has settled finally got a dream job had all my kids with me (Well i bury two.)
Had the job the lovely home well manner kids every one met them will say so.Then came a sweet talker English man .We are very foreign minded he did all he can to win me. We wed three years later After 10 years separate from first one. only came to London to realize he had a next home Living a double life. By then it was too late i leave holding a little baby 4 weeks of age, when he walk to play happy family in his next home. Then the immigration problems started to get my kids here with me. plus to go to work and back street baby Child minder.Will not wish that on my worst enemy. i could have take all the help here for me and new born but would not get any my kids here with me. In the end after 11 none refundable visa fee all i get was 3 out of my 4 here with me. My now eldest there did not get to join us the compassionate grounds did not apply to us. I was punish for being far too honest since i did not what i know now then.The kids here all now grown in good decent jobs with their own life mates etc, no one has time for me now. All i went through has sacrifice it all to give them a better life. Off work now due to to fall that leave me with a broken collar bone which can not be plaster up to fix. Had to do my own shopping house work etc which still hurt after a year on. I having lots of admirers when i dress up nice to step out. But as you will understand or rather anyone who leave penniless in both divorce will know to be Scared and cautious are my main concern.At times feel the need for companion does not want to die alone to be found weeks or months later.
But as we aware our mid age Brothers prefer to date and be with the younger ones who can give them what we cant give then Babies and all that go with that. They dont seem to want a peaceful easy decent life with their own age range.I was a school cook for years most my years work in catering and caring for others ,Which with my bad shoulder can not do the huge lifting of hot pots of cook meal. So daily racking my brains as what to do next job wise. Need some advice I help out with the christmas meal this year which was great to put a smile on others face. Those who really need our help. Was better for me since i all alone on Christmas.
I try going for a few jobs which seems they only time wasters as soon as we turn up among all the younger ones. one know fully well they will prefer to invest in the younger ones. Cant blame them for they think we all older ones need pills to keep us going . To set the record on full blast not all older ones on medication to you employers out there.Look Joan my girl take your time do not rush into anything it is not easy and everyone needs are different. For me i can live without a man or sex for the rest of my life had far too much in my younger years. All i need is a decent someone to go places someone who feels the same as i do.At my age now i aint able with those sex crazy ones who will sleep with anything that moving or looks like a woman.Happy reading and enjoy the rest of 2017 look forward to all the best 2018 has to offer to all you lonesome ones out there. We have lots to be very grateful for, good health, Food, free N.H.S. a place to call home, Food bank and other Charity places when feeling down to go help out. Queen and country, God save our Queen and long may she reign one who care for us all (her people.)Blessings to one and all.
Lot of us try to move and has to come back due to finance or other problems. Think first you can take a two months holiday to get the feel if our body can adjust. Plus if where you wants to go the retirement age. In Guyana is 55 years so i try my best the 6 months while i was there in vain. They look at us as if we are stupid since they think we all from abroad are loaded with cash. They have no idea how hard we work one told me you cant get a Government or any job here at your age. I said thanks for being honest in U.K. or the big countries we young at 55 your retirement age. Once we can do the job age does not comes into it.
Hi everyone, I am 59 yrs old and live in Orange County CA. But I find myself asking I am about to sell my family home and feel a bit lost. Where do I relocate. I have one great son living in Los Angeles working as a chef. But just today it seems the question where do I go??? I will have to make that decision. I have lived here all my life, and now I am asking that million questions? Jobs, finances, climate. wow! How to approach starting all over?Anyone know the easy way to figure it out please help! Thanks got to run.
I’d start with weather, what u like, what u hate. Then the type of activities u like or want to do more of like swimming, or boating or golfing or snow skiing. See where that takes you and if u want more of little cold and hot, the different seasons go for Ks or Mo. We’ve not had hurricanes or earthquakes, no drought, no winds with fire, no giant pot holes swallowing up houses or major landslides with houses falling off the hills. Traffic is a piece of cake for people from LA or other big cities. We are getting more culture and our downtown is coming into a great time. Gee i sound like a travel agent. But there’s no mountains or oceans, and the summers get hot but u really need a heater to use ur pool more than 4-5 weeks in the summer. Anyway home that helps. Winters get very cold and ice storms. Not as much snow as the northern midwest states.
Louise, you are in a good place because most of the country is less expensive than CA. If you have plenty of money, maybe a different area of OC? Or Naples?
Hi! The million dollar question. I live in Nebraska. I’ve also been looking and I think I would like to live in Florida because off the weather any there are more people out there are age. I’m 60 I don’t have a lot of money to invest in a house but a nice mobile home. I’m in the position of not having any friends here and my family well they have there own lives to live. I used to live in Colorado for 17 years. I came here for family because I had been gone for so long. I believe the things we miss most are friends and we’re all lonely. There are enough women on here to have are own support club. Good luck and I know how you feel.
Diane,
Have you made the move yet? Have you spent anytime in FL?
Julia
I asked myself those same questions. When I quiet my mind and really release the resistance I find myself gravitating to AZ. There of course are a few reasons: I was offered a job, a two year contract and a bonus. I also have two female friends there who are living a healthy life style. I once told myself I would never live in AZ again… never say never … keep an open mind and visualize what you want to do and where…AZ might get me closer to my goal of living in a small cottage by the sea… or it just may be the place to stay out through retirement. As for now, where I am physically located and with whom (sadly a toxic family) is not healthy. As for my children, they tell me “we just want to see you happy mom” (single mother) and they grew up with the value of quality of time vrs quantity.
please let me know !!
Hello to you my 59 sister,
Why all you that thinking of a big move come to London for a two months or three first. Once you have enough cash to show on your visit you have cash to cover your stay plus enough if you run out to get hold of. Please DO NOT not sell your home first.For all the none smokers and social drinkers i can find place to put you up by the week £ !00 yes one hundred can get reduction if book for a whole Month with some decent family with no kids or animals in the home.For most people here that i know dont smoke in their home. So they will preferred. For the smokers that can also be arranged for in Britain we open and cater for all sexes, Race, Ethnicity, Religion Culture the lot , All you have to do is to check the requirement with our home office in your country before.I can start up a business myself catering for the mid age ones like myself at a lost what to do and where to move to .Never do things in haste. It is a age thing yes we get big house to make our kids happy and comfortable. They then move on leaving us at a lost with no self worth. Come on mom and Dads with grown kids we have lots of self worth. Have lots to give back to, share the life skills we earn by our faults and mistakes. Lets join forces we can open our homes to overseas guests in that way we can feel useful. Plus get company is loneliness make us feel we need to move . No matter where we go we have to start all over from scratch ask one self do you want to do that on your own. To learn a new culture,the way of life of the people, remember most under privilege countries we go to think all of us from the big City have cash to burn and make us their targets. Can you handle that plus the corruption who will you turn to in your time of dying need. Thinking Caps on please, look at your perfectible needs the Do’s and Don’ts. Can your body take the climate, food etc. Oh boy many have try before us and many will do so after us. I know of lots of them who return penniless and homeless after giving up all they had here. Only good thing here is we get help until we can find our way back but the house problem is a huge problem. What one lost can never gain back on ones return. God save our Beautiful Queen who is there for us long may she reign. Blessings too.
Louise Petersen, if you like the area, could you sell your house, and downsize. The climate and food is rat in CA. Not sure about costs but if you sell your house, then perhaps you wont have that burden. Do you like your life in that area? If so, consider downsizing and perhaps travel to places of interest. You might find that you fall in love with a new location.
Hello everyone on this amazing feed,
I came across this last night restless in bed for the millionth time, head tired and full of being ‘unhappy’ about where I live, or more truthfully, feeling stuck and stagnant and lonely. I think the loneliness is the real thing, as I too am in my late 50’s, nest is empty, and lost my precious husband 2 years ago to sudden death. He was only 52, Italian, my true love, and so.
I live in Tuscany, Italy, in a small town of about 3000, including the surrounding countryside. I moved here when I was 52, to change my life, leave the Bay Area after the death of my first husband, and enjoy the love and relocation! The Bay Area, Marin, is very pretty, and yet, I was ready to move on after 21 years. It never quite felt like home and had a ‘whiteness’ factor that I found dull. It is expensive and people our age look stressed out to me, unless that have mega dosh.
I grew up in Baltimore where there is lots of interracial mixing and then spent my 20’s in Boston, New York and London. My daughters were born in London. Living here is very beautiful, the cost is easy to manage, the community I have is ex-pat, funky, I’m an hour from Siena and 2 from Florence. I work as a counselor, life coach, teach classes in London, so my life sounds great on paper, right? And, after reading all these posts, I did wake up with more appreciation for what I have, but here is what is missing…. Possible relationships, men over 50 who are interested in women their own age, or are not married, choice of films, bookstores, cafes, street wandering life, English speaking, classes, programs, theater, etc. I have learned the language but will never have that easy conversational flow that takes you to interesting discussions with ease. I love to talk and listen, so that is really isolating. The locals are old world and country living, there is sweetness here, it feels safe.
But, and…. what to do, where to go? I travel, but there is still something unsatisfying about living in the wrong place. Even when my husband was living I was getting itchy feet. We went to Santa Fe, New Mexico to explore, I couldn’t deal with the altitude and the introverted nature of the folks. I am wondering if there is an ideal place? Or if this is what we must face at our stage of life. The dissolving of some kind of fullness with outer connection, learning to be alone. I hate to think of it that way, so I am open to exploring.
I have lived in many places in my life and when I think to them all, there is always a draw back in the end. I let myself imagine if money was completely free, what would I do, where would I go? I still couldn’t create the perfect thing. I still feel the sense of fear and loss in each place.
So, that being said, here are some of my places to throw in the mix. Sarasota, Florida? San Miguel Allende, Mexico? I want diversity, a pretty, lively town, quiet spaces, beauty, affordability, someone to love and look after a bit. Friends, groups, community. Airport. So, there we go, just to add my voice to all of ours. I hope some of you are finding your way!
Hi Alice, Are you still in Tuscany? I am in Siena and it would be interesting if we could meet up. I am 53, also from the Bay Area and have been living in Siena for 10 years. My plan, at the moment, is to leave my husband next year. I love him, but we have an issue that can’t be overcome. I have no idea of where to go next. I don’t want to move back to the Bay Area except for the time it takes me to get the divorce. I am thinking of Austin Texas but I still have loads of research to do. I would happily stay in Italy, but I want to go back to work. Let me know!
Hello Lisa, im in Ks but my daughter is in Dallas, if you wanted to see that city she could show u around and she has been to many cities in Texas. I have several cousins that live in Houston also so let me know. Good luck with ur divorce. My husband totally knocked me down when he had a big scary guy serve me divorce papers. Had no idea and Suddenly need $3,500 to retain a lawyer. Get copies of all ur financial very quickly! Mine stole things from my house and took papers and movies of the kids and quilts my silverware and big really nice frying pan i just got at a great estate sale. 32 yrs we were married. And check out the specific laws for San Fran/ california. Here in ks u can file if uve been here 6months.
We sound in the same boat. I love my husband, but some things love can’t fix. I also have thought Austin, or Dallas, or Reno Nevada (love it there).
Hi Jill D,
Would you consider to go back to Bend, OR?
I live in Carmel, Ca now. Moved from Berkeley, Ca last year….because it was just too crowded for me! I lived in big cities most of my life… Boston, Denver, Bay Area… but as I’m older need some balance between nature and people and having more spritual connection with life.
So, I left bay area… and now found myself too isolated here in Carmel! I admit I made a mistake moving to Carmel. I need to be able to go out, to gym, to yoga, date guys in their 50’s like myself who are educated and refined 🙂 like to shop in organic stores and access to airport to visit my son in Ca.
Thinking to move to Bend, OR (of course visit the place first) It seems not so cold, some good amount of sunny days. I love some sunny days, some rain, not too much snow!
Anyone has any suggestions would love to hear from you.
Best to all,
Mana
Alice,
Thank you for your post. It aligned with me at this time (52) and feel that this blog is a testimony to all that are feeling the need to “wander”. I think what is most interesting is we are ALL feeling this same thing. Is it something that happens in our DNA? Are there time clocks that go off after children leave the nest? I have two daughters who are wildly successful in their careers and really are telling me to do my thing… they don’t really “need” me anymore and they thank me for a job well done. The question is, what is my thing now? I’ve wrapped my life around them and their well being. I would love to come to Tuscany and see what it’s like there. My favorite movie is “Under the Tuscan Sun”. For me, nature is important and lots of trees. Currently I am living in Austin, Texas. It’s getting extremely crowded here and the cost of living is doable, but house prices are increasing by the day. Of course, nothing compared to the west coast. Austin is still liberal in some spots, but quickly become like Dallas with apartments popping up like wild flowers in spring. It certainly doesn’t have the same vibe as it did in 2003 when I moved here from Dallas. My thing is to get out of the big city life and live some where where people have a great sense of community and know each other. Any suggestions?
I would love to learn more about you and Tuscany. I would be interested in connecting.
PS … love, love this site and am sooo happy I found it. Liked minded women, bonding together is such a joy for me.
Alice,
Forgot to mention, I have a friend who moved to Sarasota, FL. She likes it there, but not alot of potential mates for her (she’s 56) .. I did recently visit New Smyrna, FL and it seemed like a play ground for 50 and over folks. People where jumping in the water and “not acting their age!” Loved it and seeing that kind of fun.
Is your friend liking Sarasota ???
Julia
Hi, it’s wonderful to read these posts. I live in the Bay Area but am restless and feel Misaligned in this area. All the speed and stress and expense. That said I do have good friends and an elderly father here. I’m single and have always dreamed of living in Italy. That being said, I can completely understand your comments about separateness and can imagine that experience as well. I value nature, country, authenticity, community. Living in an urban area, I’d love a more rural location that has community. I love the arts too. I love everyone’s comments – but I feel adrift and would love to work toward recreating my life. My environment is very important. Thanks!
Tuscany! How lovely but indeed there is a void. Closing the gap, whatever the gap is is my struggle! Adding to this is money… I still need to earn. I dream of a little seaside cottage and a full life of life’s little pleasures! I went from crazyville Los Angeles to a goust town in MN as part of my journey as an empty nester… the good news- once I get out of my own way, quiet my brain I see myself in Phonenix to start as I was offered a job then off to Florida! Naples is my dream or the east coastal side…First I had to learn to love myself! Forgive myself ! And tap into the brilliance of all of us that are going through similar situations at the “core” I’m starting over in Phoenix…
Wow, I thought I was the only one in this situation. Very few grasp ageism in the workplace.
I suspect I will be that old lady eaten by her pets I.e., the last supper.
These comments give me hope. Too bad there is no Marigold Hotel!
I think it would be great to be like The Golden Girls. They have each other which I believe we all need in our lives. I know that’s a big part in my life I’m missing. It would be awesome if some off us women could get together and make something like that happen. I have been really thinking about Florida. There are more people and singles around our ages there and it’s warm. What do you think?
Are you still considering FL? If so I would be interested in talking with you..
Julia
I want nothing more than to be a golden girl. My sisters and I are close, but they’re not. I’m turning 50 and want to go to Florida. Almost divorced and overwhelmed. Not sure I want to start getting rid of my house and moving to another state. I have a town I think I want to go to, but I’ve never been there and doesn’t make sense to purchase a house somewhere I’ve never been.
I think it’s a great idea! How do we start?
Why not get together and create a Marigold Hotel? I mean seriously, with this many folks, we can form a community, have a “hotel manager” and build a place to come and go as needed.
Marcie,
Where do you live now?
Are you thinking about relocating
if so do you know where?
Julia
That’s not a bad idea but it would be about location….location…location.
Linda, Have you spent anytime in Fl? Do you have a favorite area?
Julia
I have relatives around Sarasota nice area… Venice and Naples are nice areas .. lots to do … My parents had a retirement winter home near Lakeland (not at all a place that I care for). I found a few nice places that would work for 3-4 women pretty comfortably in a really nice area.. when I was down there last year…
Julia
I too am in the same boat I’m 49 my children are grown I’m a single parent and struggled through life, even though I did get my degrees etc. I’m isolated, lonely struggling with finding where I belong. I’m tired of New York, my faith is very important to me so the party scene doesn’t work for me. I just feel lost. I long for a new start, by the ocean and being free in my heart.. I’m originally from England..
Hi DD. I too am in the same boat. Just became a widow at 54 and no children. I am in Florida and looking for somewhere nice, I am from Australia. Feel free to contact me if you wish.
Hi! Kelly could you please tell me about Florida. I really was thinking off relocating there. I’m lonely here in Nebraska. It is cold here. Some off my family is here but they have family’s off there own to be with. I’m 60 and out off the crazy bar scene. I know I need friends that I can do things with and would like the warm weather. Diana
For those considering Florida, I’m a life-long Floridian who has lived from Miami, to Tallahassee, to the Venice area. There are the great things most people expect in Florida, like beaches, outdoor recreation and palm trees. However, what I find most newcomers don’t take into account or expect are the constant heat (it is humid from April through October in south Florida), bugs (mosquitos, palmetto bugs, fire ants, fleas year round) hurricanes (they may not hit every season but when they do it is bad, you can expect to be without electricity, cell phone, internet and cable for a while, it was three weeks my last time). It has become increasingly expensive everywhere, especially “desirable” areas like Naples, Sarasota, Miami, etc. Alligators can be found in just about any area with fresh water. Further south, in Miami and up to the Fort Lauderdale area, you will find many exotic species that have escaped and are now everywhere, like huge iguanas and snakes including pythons.
The less crowded areas with lower cost of living are usually inland areas. Inland areas can have some very nice communities, especially for retirees, but it should be noted that the inland areas are the hottest places in Florida in the summer! If you have ever been to Disney World in Orlando, you know that! Speaking of Orlando it has become very congested, and just about every road is a toll road.
Another thing to consider if you want to move to a condo or townhouse in Florida, make sure you know how much the home owners association fees are. I know that elsewhere around the country these are usually small amounts, but here in Florida your HOA fees can be more than the mortgage payment! There are some communities where the HOA fees alone are $800 or more.
There are some great things about Florida, but if you live here full time, eventually you do get tired of the over crowding on roads, the tourist season which runs from December to April brings an influx of people onto the roads, stores, restaurants and beaches that can make you wish you didn’t live here!
In fact, I intend to move again when I hit “real” retirement, because I would like a little more serenity and coolness along with lower cost of living.
I have been living in Ft. Lauderdale, FL right on the beach for the last 9 years. Ditto Joanne’s reply. Miserably hot and humid most of the year. The other 2 or 3 months are still hot just less humid however, snowbirds make this time of year just as miserable as the humidity does the other months. Not to mention hurricanes. Cost of living is truly outrageous and continues to go up daily. I was lucky when I got my place but a friend of mine pays $2000 per month for a 700sqf studio in a not so great or safe area about 10 minutes from beach. I wouldn’t recommend living anywhere in South FL unless it was on the beach in a secured building or on the intercostal and less than 1 mile from beach. Inland FL is miserable year round especially mosquitoes. If you’re single and over 40 maybe 45 if you’ve taken excellent care of yourself it is extremely difficult to meet men your age. Most men here 50 and over are only interested in much, much younger women. I am in the process of moving and like each of you trying to decide where. Good Luck to us all and I welcome any advice!!!!!
Extremely kind of you to share your experience, K.K. Thank you for doing so. (Where are you considering going? Other spots you’re thinking about?)
Hi Kelly, Did you find anywhere nice to live there in Florida? I am located in the UK and thinking of relocating there.
I wish we could join forces to to speak and get a big house near an ocean and make it the Good Ole Girls Club or something.
Happy New Year! I too wish I had known about this group before. I’m 60 and just got divorced 1 1/2 years ago after 19 years of marriage. Live in SC, and my son is a jr. in high school – boarding school in Virginia, actually. So empty nest 2 years early, and divorce at same time. Wasn’t expecting that to happen!!! I desperately need to make a change in my life. My son doesn’t want to stay at his dad’s house, so I feel I should stay in town for when he comes home from school, etc… I am miserable here and want to leave. I haven’t worked in 20 years and I really don’t know what to do. If California weren’t so far, I’d love to go there. Found out real quick who my friends are during the divorce. Thought I had way more than I do 🙁
Divorce does that. And being single in your 50s with no school activities to attend and meet other moms makes you even more of an outcast. Research California very well before moving. Its so expensive. Everything is pricey, really pricey especially compared to SC. What about Atlanta for you? I’ve heard that was a great city?
Atlanta can be very tough for a woman 50+ and it’s pricey, too, depending on how far out of the city you are willing to go. (And public transportation sucks.) Demographics skew younger as well, for both work opps and dating.
I’m curious to know what you think of the updates here, on the 2017 updates to Best Places to Live.
I am so excited to see this site! I am a healthy 65 year old retired career single woman who just sold her house in Columbia SC, disposed of most of my possessions, and moved in temporarily with a brother in Atlanta GA. Spent the last 29 years being a single parent to my one child, assisting my now deceased mother, and focusing on career. As a retiree of almost 4 years I am trying to figure out where I go from here. This site gives me hope that I’m not alone on that search. Just beginning to realize there is a world of opportunity out there and I just have to find what gives me joy. Good luck to us all!
I saw that you were in SC. I am almost 60, looking to start over and relocate. Children will be married by the end of September. I have been considering SC as my new destination after I sell my current home. Can you give me any insight about best/worst areas in SC?
Seriously that is a brilliant idea, all you need is someone with a beach house to open it up to all of us 50 and over women who need to find the next step in life. To divorce, enter the work force again, leaving the work force, looking for excitement, looking for meaning. We need a place that you could stay a few days, few months. That would be wonderful! Unfortunately it’s also a fairytale.
I too am lost. I want to move from Ohio, I want beach and sunshine but I need a job too. Im 54 and a barmaid, divorced, always a housewife no skills, kids grown and gone but I’m scared. Where do I go what do I do for a living? I get so depressed trying to figure it all out.
That sounds like heaven on earth!
Hi ladies, count me in! I just turned 56 and made the move. I’m in Florida now on my own and very lost? Not sure where I want to be? I’ve traveled for one year and can’t find a place to call home? I’m originally from Long Island, kids are grown and are at opposite ends of the US. I’m going through a divorce and just want to settle down in a nice place where I can feel comfortable meeting new friends and stay active in the community. I’m an active country girl at heart.
Gee as before stated thought i was only poor woman lol apparently not. Have always thought that co-operation was the best solution personally and financially with only small obligations to such at a time count me in.
Hi I was wanting to relocate to Florida. I believe you have to have some people in your life to be happy. I’m in Nebraska which sucks I hate the cold here. My name is Diana. Leave word here to get in touch. I think we could make a difference. There are so many women like us.
Renee,
Are you still in FL?
Julia
Renee,
Are you still out there? Still in FL?
Julia
Wow! That was exactly what I was thinking. It seems like we all have the same problem. Starting over and where. I live in Nebraska. I lived in Colorado for 17 years. I really want to live by the ocean. I have done a lot off research. Sarasota, Florida sounds really nice. Austin, Texas also sounded nice but no ocean but pretty nice weather. I don’t want to live where it is cold. Wishing us all happiness.
I lived in Austin for 6.5 years and watched it grow and get crowded and more expensive. It’s a college town and a tech town so geared toward that mostly. Have to say I hated it, hated Texas in general. The people are nice on the surface, polite but it is superficial. They don’t seem to care about anyone but themselves, not considerate or progressive. My son stayed there and I miss him and considered biting the bullet and going back because there is a lof of work still. But when I visited it, the yuckiness crept right back up. Not for me.
Diane,
Are you still considering FL?
Julia
Hello,
I live in Lincoln, Ne. maybe we could talk I want to move to Florida also, but do not want to make the move by myself. I work at the State here. I still have to work. I love the outdoors, walking, kayaking..
Julie
I’m just finding this blog now and concur!
I feel the same way. By trade I am an occupational therapy assistant. It is hard work and the industry is run by the number of minutes you (business) not by compassion. I have complete burn out. I moved back to MN to be with family and “get my head on straight” Now I’m finding that this is harder than I thought it would be. I’m in rural MN and there are very few jobs. My options are very limited. I’m trying everything to hold it together . I’m even inquiring about going back to school. Anything to not be isolated and not feel like a failure. As I do this transiston , I am offered positions in therapy in different states and on one hand I want to go for the only reason ( money) but on the other hand I don’t want to go because past behavior is a predictor of present or future behavior ) therapy jobs never last for me because my heart is not in it. Therefore , without a network of people around me I will end up in MN alone anyway. Only it will be in two years from now. Not right now. I am digging deep for answers. None yet!
Hi Julia, has anyone made connections on this blog? I definitely want to do more than just read and write and want tomake things happen. I hope the woman from Ohio who wants to reside near the beach reads and replies to this as well. I am more than ready to relocate and do a house share where we all find a place and rent together. Or an apartment share where the bedrooms and bathrooms are on the opposite side for privacy but the kitchen and living room is a place to visit and keep each other company. Sharing the apartment or house expenses is ideal. I have been on roomster.com and the feedback is not what I am looking for because home owners rent a room for $800.00 a month and don’t want their renter to have a pet like they do or don’t want their renter to be in the common areas between certain hours.
It would be wonderful to have a fresh start and relocate to a milder climate than CO.
Andrea, A number of people are and have been connecting. They are doing so through comments here and here, and more importantly, behind the scenes, by getting in touch here: startingover50plus @ gmail.
I’m a very young at heart 56. Divorced after 33 years of marriage. Lived in Southern California, relocated to Phoenix, AZ and loved it. Then an opportunity arose 2 years ago to move to Nashville, TN and this vivacious, friendly woman is so lonely I could cry. I’ve been raised so differently than these Southern women and they do not appreciate my humor.
Thinking of relocating again, but I’m on a tight budget and want someplace friendly and safe. Any suggestions?
Im in Overland Park Kansas , like #14 on most liveable city.
Sherryl, I grew up in Overland Park. I still love Kansas City! Is it really a great place for a single 60 year old woman? I have considered moving back there. I’ve been in Dallas, Tx. for 30 years. I’m not sure I could handle the cold weather there either. My daughter is about to finish her PHD and wants me to move with her to Seattle but it’s scary to start over at my age not knowing anyone and not sure I’d like the gloom. Tell me more about your take on KC. Debbie
I looked at work in seattle but the company I phone interview with passed on me from what I believe is too many years, age and salary. But what I found is how high the cost of living is there now; not quite at Bay Area levels but pretty bad (650 sq ft 1 bedroom for 1500). It didnt seem worth it and of course it is a bustling city with bad traffic and constant cloud cover 9 months out of year. Though it did seem interesting!
Hi Michelle,
I am 55 years old and have lived in Buffalo NY for my entire life. Tired of the snow and looking for a change. I have been to Arizona several times and have fallen in love with the mountains. I love to walk and be outside, would love to learn to golf as well. I would be transferring with my job, and work for at least 8 more years.
My question to you is… Did you like Arizona? Would love to move to Scottsdale in a townhouse, or an area close to that with some green. Any places you would recommend? You are not interested in heading back to Arizona?
Sue
Sue,
I’m new here. Just stumbled across this page as I was freaking out. Was laid off my job
yesterday.
I’m 59 have a grown son 26 who is well on his own renting a room from 45 year old guy who has decided to restart his drug habit.
Live in Minnesota and don’t think I could take one more winter. At the very least it would be great to houseshare with some one in Arizona for the winter and come back here for a few months in summer.
I have lived in Arizona and liked it for the most part. Jobs pay little to nothing and the air quality is getting pretty bad But!
The scenery is beautiful and The summer nights are really beautiful.
What would you think of having a winter visitor or roomie?
Felicia
Michelle,
I live in So. Cal. and was thinking about Nashville but I am not a southern woman either. Can you tell me whether you have found people friendly and what the dating scene is like for women our age. As you know, its not good in So. Cal. and expensive.
Hi, I feel you friend. I lived in LA most of my life, was born and raised in New Jersey.
I moved to Williamsburg, VA. and had the same experience with folks from the South.
Nice people, just on another wavelength from people in other areas of the country.
I live in Vegas, there are a lot of rentals here.
I am thinking of going back to CA or perhaps Florida.
How are you coming along with your re-locate plans?
This is long past the time when you posted, but maybe you will see it. I grew up in KY, and have lived in Nashville area for quite some time, and I have to say that I hate it here too. I never felt like I fit in very well with southern attitudes, and the current cost of housing in and around Nashville is crazy. I’m looking for places to relocate to.
I will say most people come here for work opportunities, and in certain sectors there is a lot of work. But if your income is or will be modest housing is limited.
Wow, I thought I was the only one feeling this way. Live in New York and 50+. Want to sell my home and move out of New York, but too confused on where to go. My son wants to move to Colorado and go to school there. He wants me to move there, but i am not feeling the winters. I long for a small town that is lively with restaurants, quaint shops etc. and mild climate. I still have to work so need a place that has job opportunities and affordable. Also like diversity.
Explore Downtown Ventura, it has a lot to offer lots of culture and nightlife as well as community involvement opportunities that can help to connect. The weather is mild not too hot not too cool.
Wow! Cannot believe how many of us 50+ in same boat with similar ideas! Going to look up the links suggested earlier where we all can brainstorm and just stay connected. I am just divorcing after 20+ years (guy I should not have married in first place…weird story!), very grateful I have daughter age 20 and son, 13. We live in Ventura, Ca. Weather is perfect and lots of activities, easy to meet new people who are welcoming. Unfortunately, with Santa Barbara just North of us and Malibu, Calabasas and then the whole LA (very spread out and very superficial overall, just yucky vibe. Prefer cities like Seattle, Portland and New York) metropolis, Ventura, which had very affordable housing in 2000, quickly since then is now ridiculously priced. Even renting, 1 bed/1 bath you would be lucky to find decent place for $1300. Of course this happens just as I am divorcing and first time in my life living alone (son p/t)…worst part which really makes this difficult is I am very sick, had been slowly building up various aches, pains, felt weird emotionally even, then headaches (first ever was age 30, few months after first child and having dental work which I KNOW is huge factor…mercury overload after amalgam fillings removed and one toxic root canal), started and never stopped, reaching debilitating level along with fatigue and too many even weird symptoms to go on. Basically caused Autoimmune issue I have had to deal with on my own, as medical system is clueless. (Could write a book on many facets of “winning” this type of illness…which I realize is becoming more common!) So cannot work, which is frustrating. Have had to “rely” on husband, who is the kind of person whom if no one is looking, could give a damn if another is in need of help…negatively immature, lacks empathy, compassion but puts on good show when needs to…He is so wonderful that after saying we could separate so I could still have health insurance to help with the ailment, he went full divorce, so now instead of $50 premium now $600 monthly.
And list goes on…including major damage he has instigated/caused even with best friends, my brother who would literally be dead or in jail now if I had not pulled him off path he was on. And is now doing better than myself, when I had been called “the backbone” of my family for at least 40+ years…now on my own though and kicked while down. Which is how I got on this sight…NEVER EVER thought I would be in this situation, particularly treated as have been since nothing more to “use” me for (actually quite common when female gets sick, surprised even women with Cancer, an “accepted” diagnosis are often “ditched” if not healed quickly)…but determined to recover and want to somehow help others not end up like I have, besides want to change fact that our medical system is “Sick” system and gets away with whatever they want…But of course I also need to reconnect to life after all this unwanted illness and “drama”. Ready to be in positive atmosphere!
I do have Bachelors degree in International Tourism Marketing. But pretty sure I want to at least get Masters in Psychology, Sociology, something that will work well in improving and actually help in creating a Health System and especiallly help in this huge autoimmune mess! Also enjoyed learning and think it is good way to “restart” my life. Uncertain, with all the wonderful experiences shared, ie Italy, etc. shared to be sharing this negative experience, however, should help make most feeling down or lost, now feel grateful!!! Prior to illness becoming too much to “push through”, I traveled a lot, loved scuba diving (I’m even the one who introduced my ex and his parents to traveling, scuba and even Hawaii, where I spent entire childhood.).
I am beat up from my fight to survive this…When I was even early 40’s, people were often shocked I was in 40’s, thought I was late 20’s (their age), but now I easily look 50+!…Plan on getting myself back even better than before though…meaning overall health, If looks come back it will just be bonus for me!
By the way, Ventura does have 50+ FB Group if considering this area.
Jeannie
Regarding the health issues you mentioned – Are you familiar with the Andy Cutler protocol? I went through forty years of being progressively loaded up with heavy metals and was more or less coping until something more serious came along. If you aren’t already familiar with it, I would advise you to look into it, as it has almost literally been a life-saver for me. Not only that, I’m very firmly of the opinion that it is the only protocol that is both effective and most importantly, not extremely hazardous.
Feel free to ask D.A. for my contact info if you would like to discuss.
I’m not sure if this will post but… I live in Durango, Co and I can tell you that after 4 winters here the cold is really not that bad! Even at say 30° as long as the sun is shining you can wear a t-shirt and jeans!!! Craziest thing I’ve ever been around.
I live in Houston and used to travel to Denver for work. I distinctly remember being in Denver at 20 degrees, then flying back to Houston and being much colder at 35-40!
Hi I lived in Colorado for 17 years but now live in Nebraska. I would like to relocate to a warmer place. I still have friends in Colorado and since the laws on pot changed people are moving in in droves so the prices have skyrocketed. There are also a lot off people running around high. No thanks. So it’s almost the same as California. The dating scene isn’t like it was when I first moved there. It is now for the younger generation. In Florida they have places to live for 55+ so at least you can meet people and a lot off people retire there. Because I’m single I also need to find a place I can afford. Diana
I live in Highlands Ranch, CO and I commute to Denver 4X a week and people don’t run around high because it is illegal to smoke pot in public. I also have to mention that prices for condos are very similar to prices for condos in FL and the Carolinas and FL and the Carolina’s HOA”s are twice as much as they are here.
Colorado is a great choice. Check the weather in Parker Colorado this year. It’s been wonderful
Sometimes those kids are on the ball.
Yes this winter has been mild but that is not the norm in CO! Parker is nice enough but for myself I’m thinking of moving somewhere out of state that is more affordable, if there is such a place anymore. It’s pretty discouraging.
I agree, last winter in CO was unusually pleasant! I very much want to get out of CO before October so a road trip to the south is in the makings. Again I am looking for woman travelers that can afford half of the expensive and have the time to travel for a couple of weeks. I would like to drive to South Carolina and St Augustine , FL. AAA is very resourceful and the stops can be fun in various cities.
Wow,
There seem to be a large number of over 50 females who are alone and unhappy. That is sad but please don’t give up on life.
I’m a divorced older male (ok I’m “75 yrs young”) living healthy in one of the most beautiful areas in coastal Southern Cal.
I’m fortunate to own an old beach house here and would love to find my “perfect” partner but now realize it’s not where you live that’s important. It’s finding that connection with another person that I hope for. Think positive and take care of yourself!
Dear Don, you are so correct in its not where you live… its whom you’ve found to live the remainder of ones life with. If you have a partner in life you truly love, it really doesn’t matter where you live.
If I may inject a small (not small) practical note: Health, likely to be an increasing concern as we age, is vital to any other pursuits including the relationships we care about. More specifically, survival issues – basic health, which generally requires money; food and shelter, which also require money; location / setting in which we can achieve those basics, some locations more amenable to our needs /marketability /affordability than others.
I am certainly a believer in love (friendship, kindness, etc.), and love surely aids us through good times and bad. However, the ability to sustain ourselves financially — or to build/be part of supportive communities in which we are interconnected and care for each other — is the reality most of us must face.
basic needs.
fire, water, protein (fish), vegetative matter (seaweed?), shelter (secret cliff cave~ocean view)… did I mention fire? [south of san clemente, just be careful of marines live-ammo training cycles]- can’t forget the animal pelt fur loin cloth, a spear, moccasins… or barefoot? so cal caveman? crazy wildman beard? nocturnal spear fishing w/ torch – ha ha, california dreaming.
(more like min. wage telemarketing and running the other way from the transvestite hookers on the sidewalks.)
Don, you sound like a very nice young man. I live in Southern Ca. I’m 62. I am thinking about moving to Northern Ca, but my heart is having trouble making this transition. This certainly sounds like a Daily-plate-of crazy!
Thanks Don. Good advice.
Hey Don,
I am just wondering how many offers of marriage you have had since you posted this? Seriously, a beach house in southern California – they will be lining up at your door.
If they aren’t let me know, I would love to meet someone with a beach house in California ?
Hello Don,
First let me say thank you for making a post re: an article about starting over. It seems to be fairly female dominated and I consider your interest an act of bravery, really!
I, too, live on the coast of California, however, I am currently looking for an employment opportunity in southern California. I am interested in living in any area along the coastline and have been making application to various positions that are of interest to me. Unfortunately nothing yet, however, I remain hopeful.
If it isn’t too difficult or considered an intrusion, could you give me any “pointers” re: trying to relocate? Would you have any “tips” re: the job market?
Thanks for your interest and your time.
Catherine
Hey Don,
Have you noticed that all of the replies that you’ve received have been from women? ?
Hi Don, writing to you as I am also seeking my partner in life. I am in Vegas, not too far from you. Write back if you like. Linda
Hi! I do agree with you on the place you live isn’t the most important thing. I’m only speaking for myself but I want both. I’m looking for my soulmate. Your in a great place to live. That’s awesome. I believe your life would be complete with someone to love and love you back. I’m 60 and hoping my final journey allows me to have love happiness in a beautiful place. Wishing you well. I can’t believe you don’t have women knocking on your door wanting paradise and there soulmate.
Yep accidentally ran across this site.
I’m 55 and talk about hard to meet any good women my age.
Perhaps they should make this a dating site…lol
We’re in the same boat as these ladies.
I love this blog! I am amazed that we are all in the same boat! How did this happen? For me it started at the recession. I hurried up frantically and found a therapy assistant traveling job. I had to support my two kids and myself. The last seven years have all about this. Now, after the craziness of CA I am back with my family in MN. Learning how to fill the void and figure out what I want. What do I really want and what is the path of least resistance? I cannot believe I’m facing this at this age.
Don, there is always way more single women than men in general and particularly over 55… 🙂
Hi Don,
It sounds like you live in a desirable area in southern CALI? Do you mind telling me which city? I was thinking of moving to Ventura, but still not sure. I could certainly use some advice.
I love Southern Ca… lived there for 25 years in the film business. Moved to NM worse move I ever made but c’est la vie.
I just found this site and have been reading the articles eagerly–its so surprising that there are so many of us, and there really are so few resources. My husband died in September of cancer. I was his full time caregiver for two years, and prior to that I was a SAHM after we adopted two older kids internationally. I last worked full time nearly 17 years ago, and now must re-enter the workforce since my husband left rather a mess for me financially. My kids are far away, and I’ve been sitting in my lovely home in the central coast of CA, knowing I have to leave although it will break my heart. I could manage to stay if I could find a roommate, but Craigslist is pretty dicey and I have no social network here, since we moved here only a few months before he was diagnosed.
Sorry this is so long, I just have a lot of disjointed thoughts right now. I would kill to find a kind of respite community that would give people like me time to get my life together until I figure things out. All the articles and books about widowhood say not to make any major decisions for at least a year. What nonsense! I have four options right now–a miracle happens and I get a roommate, a friend is trying to help me get a job at her company in south OC, another friend wants to me join her husband in a tutoring venture up by Sacramento, or I strike out on my own to SC, NC, or WA. So many decisions!
Although my grief at losing my husband remains a constant pain, I’m starting to feel interested in rejoining the world and starting over. If you all ever get a group started, count me in!
There is a group. It is still small. Drop me a line here for more info: startingover50plus@gmail.
I’m interested in a group! It would be great to find/develop groups locally, yet intermingle for those who may consider relocating, and offer resources. I live near Chicago. I love it here, but get tempted by sunnier climates. I need to go back to work, then leave a husband as soon as I can establish myself. I’ve been a stay-home-mom for 15 years. It’s sad that re-entering workforce is so tough. I am 53 years old. I could really use some like-minded, active friends.
I would love to know more about a starting over group. There are so many of us women over 50 that for various reasons, are or need to start over. We all seem to be seeking support, ideas and advice.
I would love to be a part of a group about starting over. I am 49 – 50 very soon, contemplating leaving my relationship and moving to place that I love. I’ve never been married or had kids but I think starting over is starting over, you have to rely on yourself. A support group would be amazing.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Kat. Actually, starting over isn’t quite so simple as “you have to rely on yourself” for many of us. If you’re sandwiched between teenagers and aging parents, or you’re trying to start over after staying home to care for a family for 20 years, self-reliance isn’t enough. It certainly helps!
Starting over can be exciting or terrifying. I think we have a lot to learn from each other in terms of suggestions and ideas, and yes, support. If interested in a group, drop a line here: startingover50plus at gmail.
I am interested in joining a group. I live in Minnesota. Divorced after 20 years. Age 51. I also constantly thinking of moving. I have a very large home and downsizing good time as ever to move but where…
I am interested in more information regarding the group.
Thank you
Paige, Drop a line here: startingover50plus @ gmail.
Paige,
Where do you live now?
Julia
HI Gina,
I am in a similar situation. Living in Boulder, CO and wanting to move to CA to be closer to my daughters but it is all intimidating since, as you say, Craigslist is sketchy. I am a technical writer so am looking for employment in CA somewhere near the coast. Have you had any luck with a roommate?
Beth
My daughter is in her 20s and she moved to Tx right after getting her degree. Spent first year in her own apt and then she has been living with a good friend now and so glad she has a roomate.
Beth, i am wanting to move to COLORADO from OHIO but i have a housing choice voucher and im disabled and nobody will take my voucher and idk why; it says they give us $979 toward rent over there so I’d have to work for the rest, which is fine. Do you think i can find a private owner to rent to me? I have looked EVERYWHERE I can think of for someplace. I need a place with a fitness center and spa to maintain my physical therapy but still nobody is giving me a chance and i can’t seem to get any help from the housing authority in the Colorado counties; all they do is refer me to sites that have crappy places that I don’t want to go to in bad areas with no amenites! IS THIS HOW THEY EXPECT IS TO LIVE?? TO SEGREGATE US FROM EVERYONE? these places wouldn’t ever pass MY inspection let alone the inspection from the housing authority! I am so scared!
I have to move out there by THIS SUMMER, when my son graduates here in OH, my other boy is already in DENVER and we want to live out there too!! I will be facing homelessness and I am 51, alone AM DISABLED and they will be living their own lives. I just want to be there and have a normal life, job and make new friends…why does this have to be SO HARD???
Hi. They have places in Colorado but a lot has changed there in the last 5 years. The kind of place you’re looking for isn’t available because of all the people that have moved there because of them legalizing pot. The prices have tripled in price. I used to live there.
I suggest you move in with your son in Denver until you find a suitable place. I would also put an ad in the paper so that you can find a place to live that accepts your course voucher. I know it is hard being disabled and try to make all this happen. Good luck and God Bless
I kept coming back to Denver area (3x) but rentals are now very high and they are picky! I live in Loveland near Fort Collins (northern) but moving soon as landlady wants to put family into the rental. Loveland is one of the more affordable areas but still a 1 bd is around 1100. so I would suggest finding a roommate situation instead (rent a room). I plan on moving away from CO now, I think I gave it a good try.
Where are you thinking of going, Mischa? Have you looked at the post from earlier this week, dealing with places people 50+ live and what they like about them? Considering any of those locations?
Similar boat here in Ventura, Ca! Except will receive alimony, very worried if enough however as I am fighting like hell to recover from autoimmune issue caused mostly by metal poisoning and the pill! (although hate relying or taking alimony…but was far from lazy wife, besides going above and beyond what most women I know would do ie. Cut down trees myself, pulled out old rugs in fixer upper homes, etc…even mowing lawn while obviously pregnant! And did bring excellent credit to marriage with no debt at all! Even paying my fully my own Bachelors degree, no loans!). It is very scary, first time ever living alone. Married a guy whom if it were the days of when husbands just committed wives insane asylums to get them out of the way, I would be in one already! He’s tried hard to do modern day version however! Lots of damage to repair once I’m repaired! Wishing you best of luck! Maybe will connect via 50+ Group?
Hi Gina,
I am sorry for your loss, and hope things work out for you. My son moved to MA with his father today. He is gifted, but special needs, so I also find myself re-entering the workforce and wondering if I should relocate post divorce. I, too, wish there were a better support system! I am full of energy but not yet sure of my direction. I am currently teaching a Spanish Language & Culture class; I was a professor of art history before having my son and moving to the exurbs!
Laura
Hi Gina, I am in the same boat not knowing what I want to do. I was thinking about buying and moving to Northern Ca, but it is a much more quiet community and not sure it is the right place for me to go. I am four months out of an eight-year relationship. We moved to Bullhead City, AZ a year ago (not a desert person) and could not handle the isolation and extreme heat. I am temporarily helping my mother who is having major surgery Jan 18. She is in Riverside.
I am 61, a retired official court Reporter for Los Angeles Superior Court. I am responsible and dependable. I would consider a roommate situation as well until I figure out where I want to go as well. In what city do you live?
Just found this site. I feel like all of you. I’m at a little disadvantage though, I’m 58 and on disability retirement. My ex is bipolar, we were separated but lived 1 blk from each other for 6 yrs and guess i kinda knew he had a gf but not a fiance. He slapped me w/divorce in 2014 same month as my mom had a huge stoke and died and rest of last 2 years have been awful. He remarried 1 month after divorce! Has his new family and grandkids. Never talks or even sees me, we were married 32 yrs.
Our daughter lives in Tx doing very well. Our son lives with me, almost 21 and has Aspergers, severe depression, anxiety and OCD, he also probably has bipolar issues too and physical stomach issues. My ex only managed to connect with him maybe 1 time ever couple months. The house weve been in is 1 blk from my old house from HS. My brother got it, in the will. My parents are both gone. I was supposed to get money and my mom helped me get this home loan. But now its just too big for us and my daughter isn’t interested in us coming to live with her or she doesnt even care if I’m in same state. I’d love to live by the ocean. I’ve gone to all sides of the US coasts. Calif or Florida or even Delaware beaches are great. But no way can i get a place of any size by myself.
My son doesnt want to move and its about time for him to go to support type housing. So im just lost. Lonely, I only have 1 friend and her husband that call me to do things with them or come to dinner which has been a God send. My brother really could care less what i do. So what now. My son and I are struggling financially. I get alimony and disability but in ks support for a child stops at 18. Even if they are special needs. And hes not even quite done with hs or driving yet. Ive got a realtor who wants me to hurry and sell but this is a 3 story house to purge, pack, giveaway, sell. Its daunting. But u all have made me see im not alone. And im thinking now a roomate might be the way to go in a house. Love to hear about everyones towns. Thanks.
Sherryl, Laura, Beth, Rita, anyone else I missed who replied to my post–thank you for your kind words, and I want to tell you what I did as a temporary fix to stay in my home a bit longer. I have three young men rooming with me! They are students at a local fire academy, and will be here until May. They are sweet, helpful with any heavy duty chores, and most importantly, help considerably with my mortgage. I may look to move when they are done in May, I may stay if I can find a couple roommates. If anyone wants to correspond with me directly, leave word here about the Facebook group that you want to join. I am the only Gina on the member list! I would love to talk to other women who are starting over!
Gina, I am Linda. I am on this site as well.
If you may be seeking a room mate in May or June, I would like to introduce myself to you.
I am in my 50’s. I own several homes in LV. I rent them out and they are my main source of income. I want to move back to CA and am thinking of opening a store there.
Money, if your rent is reasonable, is not a big problem.
I do have small dog. He is trained, loving and sweet, he is a non shedding breed.
I don’t smoke, I am neat and clean.
Please let me know – leave a comment here, thanks, Linda
Gina, how are things going for you? Are you still in CA?
Julia
Hi Gina: I lost my husband 2 years ago. I am learning to live on my own after 30 years of marriage. It is a journey. I manage a small portfolio of rental properties in So Cal and I wanted to let you know that if you are looking to take in renters off of craigslist always run a credit check on any potential renters. Check references, (of course no one is going to list someone who will give a bad reference, but still check). Contact the last few apartment complexes where they lived. Call their employers. Google their names. Do a security background check. And trust your intuition. Good luck.
Hi Gina, Hope my note here reaches you…just now seeing this blog, and your post (now 2 yrs past). So sorry to hear of your loss, and the unexpected changes that you face. Hope you’re doing well, wonder where you ended up. I’m currently in SW Washington state, across river from Portland. Big changes coming my way…not entirely unexpected, somewhat overwhelming just the same. I commute by air to SFO airport for my airline job. Have been researching (for a while), areas within couple hours drive of SFO, knowing for a while that divorce has to happen sooner or later. Always loved central CA region…childhood visits, as well as many visits with friends in Monterey Penin area. I grew up in So CA till my Mother moved us to MT in my teens. Hope to find some place, Central CA, in a safe area…maybe EVEN affordable 😀 Daunting to start over, esp at 50+ but, looking forward to peace of mind, having a little privacy, taking back my ability to make choices, plans, without overbearing, relentless interference, manipulation, and outright control of spouse and In-Laws. Anyone here? …ideas for relatively safe areas, 2-3 hrs or less drive to SFO? Oregon coast has a lot to offer, but I’m somewhat limited in choices by proximity to my Co’s base cities. LAX & SFO are the west region bases. Both high cost of living, of course! Commuting from SW Washington now, hv additional expense of a shared “crashpad” apt w/ several other commuting airline employees.
I am in a total nightmare right now. At 54, My sig. other and best friend passed on December 22, 2016. We were never married. House and mostly everything goes to his daughters. He helped me so much financially as we live in a very depressing job outlook. I just don’t know what to do or where to go. I’m just so brokenhearted and now having to deal with this.
I am so sorry, Shelly. Are his daughters being helpful to you?
Shelley, my heart goes out for you. I am hoping he planned something for you.
Well, I am currently living in Santa Monica and am 48 years old with children away in college. This is the last place I would move to as a single woman in my 50’s. The men over 50 are dating “girls” literally and its become overwhelmed with homeless people and you will either have to shell out 1.5 2 million for the smallest home or pay rent of 4k plus. There are rent-controlled properties but the list to get on those is very long. The atmosphere is very bohemian and men don’t look at 50 year old women period. If you are loaded, gorgeous, and accomplished, it may work out for you. Silver Lake is hipster central and NOT a singles area for women over 50 for sure and is an upcoming area full of young people. I wondered if anyone knew anything about Atlanta, Nashville or Florida?
ps the weather is great, but if you are looking to connect with people, LA is not the place for that at 50, its all about youth here. Trust me.
Hi all. I am single, have been my whole life. So very independent. I have lived in LA,
Williamsburg, VA., and have been in Vegas for about 12 years now.
I too am now feeling left out a bit and am thinking of moving again. I am also contemplating opening my own business.
I own a couple rental homes here in Vegas, so if any of you are thinking this may be your place, well I just might have the home for you.
Ps man with the beach house in CA. If you need a room mate, I love CA.
I am a married woman in my early fifties living in the Washington DC. area {Northern Virginia). Being non-white and childfree (though happily married), I too would like to part of a group nearby. Anyone nearby?
Let me suggest two unsung communities for those wanting to relocate:
After living in many big cities (NY, Boston, Chicago, Denver), I moved to St. Louis 24 years ago and have loved it. The winters are very mild compared to those cities, the people are friendly, there is no traffic to speak of (you can get anywhere in 15 minutes, and rush hour lasts about an hour, and so is avoidable), and housing is relatively cheap. Older suburbs like Webster Grove and Kirkwood have housing walking distance to shops, restaurants and theaters.
About 45 minutes away, in Illinois, is a college town, Edwardsville, where there is a 450 acre, clean, spring fed lake called Holiday Lake (the community is Holiday Shores) where even the houses on the water can be had for $250,000 or so. The housing stock is modest, from the 1960’s (except right on the water, where it is nicer), and the atmosphere is fun and as unpretentious as it gets. Hang out at Bob’s Marina and join the entertainment committee and you will have friends before you know it. The lake makes the hot month of August quite bearable (otherwise, plan to travel). February can be a little cold and dreary, but not nearly as bad as the northern cities above. Spring arrives in March, winter in December. The cost of living is quite reasonable. Edwardsville has small town vibe, with a farmer’s market, a little theater that hosts bands, and several very good restaurants (Cleveland Heath being just one). The airport (Lambert Field) is 45 minutes away. I have a lakefront house and love to look at the water every morning with a cup of coffee in my hands. I plan to spend much of my retirement here. (Rereading this, I feel compelled to tell you that I am NOT a realtor).
Hello ladies, you all seem like a great bunch of people going through life’s ups and downs, worrying will not help, so don’t, keep your hopes high, make a plan, follow through, keep healthy, work out, don’t drink or smoke, or quit, for those who have lost mates or divorced, join dating clubs, or services, go out with girl friends to clubs, be friendly, but careful, read the desiderata, Google it, good luck, Mitch from ny.
Ladies in the 50s, embrace your freedom, join an art class, learn a new language, join a yoga or walking group. Be your own boss. Live your life. It can be tough and lonely, even with a spouse. Surround yourself with positive, keep the negative out and away, take care of yourself.
Su
This is wonderful to read … have mixed feelings as well about “new beginnings” but would much rather jump in, than sit on sidelines for too long! I’m currently in Massachusetts, but hate the cold. My husband passed away two years ago, my youngest of three children just started college and my oldest daughter moved out to California(her dream forever).
I’d like to try California, but a nice little condo… (is there such a thing?),but don’t need to be too near LA. I love the beach, but know the areas referred to earlier as being so pricey. Any recommendations?
Hi Mary. Thanks for reading and commenting. I’m familiar with those long Massachusetts winters! I can certainly understand why you’d like to relocate somewhere warmer. What part of the country is your non-California offspring living in? Might you stay on the East Coast slightly south, which would be less pricey than California? NC, SC – less expensive, you would still have reasonable access to beaches, much milder/shorter winters, but definitely more affordable. East coast vs west may be a matter of accessibility to your children, not to mention other “cultural” and livability factors that are important to you.
As for California, does anyone have suggestions for Mary? Somewhere more affordable than LA?
And Mary, there is more discussion taking place in the comments here as well, specifically on pros/cons at this stage: Over 50? Tell Us Where You Live. Tell Us Why You Like It.
Checkout Oxnard/Pt Hueneme in Ca. Just North of Malibu, Santa Monica and South of Santa Barbara. Right on the beach but prices are probably best will get on the beach in Ca.! Especially little condo, even many in big marinas! Easy to get on 101 fwy!
Hello everybody, I’ll be 54 this month, and have never married. It is nice to find this site and know I’m not the only one feeling out of place and wanting to relocate. After reading all the posts, you all do seem like such wonderful people, maybe someone can help me. I would like to find a nice town that’s pretty, friendly, and affordable, and safe, with publuc transport. Always wanted to move to Scotland, most of my dads family was from there. Any suggestions in the United States or another country. Thanks Karla
What kind of work do you do, Karla, and could you do it anywhere? What kind of environments do you like — mountains, ocean, city, small town? Interests? Looking for people to date? All of this will factor into your search.
Anyone have suggestions for Karla — or friends in Scotland?
Sorry, this is new to me. I like a town that is medium size that is small enough to be friendly, and still have bus service, by the ocean would be lovely and best, so I could walk along a beach and watch the waves. I have not worked for a few years as I was taken care of, but now alone. Used to work in health care taking care of people. However, I would be willing to try something new. Have enough to start over in a new place until I find a job. My hobbies are doing things in nature or just staying listening to music, or reading a good book. At this time in my life I am not looking for a relationship, just making some friends.
You might want to pop by here — an article on “best places to live in 2017” — really a discussion of criteria to consider, some recommended places, and a number of links you could check out and explore.
Come back and let us know what you think!
I currently live in Oklahoma, in a small town. The past 3 years have not been the best for me, do not have any friends here. Looking for a better life, where I can socialize with other people my age. And get outdoors walking, hiking, going to the beach, or just meeting new and friendly people. Also, where there are job opportunities, and affordable rent. Sorry for long post. Thanks for any suggestions.
I just read through most of these posts, I am happy in the two years since my divorce. I feel free. I am now trying to plan where to move next. I live in CT but am only here because of marriage. I would like to move to a more 3 season climate and have been thinking of moving to NC. I lived in Raleigh quite a few years ago due to work and loved the climate. I am not a FL person would like to live near the ocean or close enough for a day trip. I am 59 and will have to work for quite awhile…..trying to figure out the best area to look for a job. My kids are almost out of college and will be off on their own…I haven’t decided if I want a life partner again after a sad 18 years of a 25 year marriage. I just want somewhere where I can meet friends and start a new life in a three season area. I am an east coaster so not sure about moving west……
any suggestions on North or South Carolina?
Hi Pauline, I have read that South Carolina is for aqua and sea food lovers, which is me because there are a lot of water activities. I also heard the cost of living is less expensive than most places however when I looked for apartments online, they are just as expensive as anywhere else. It would be great to meet you in South Carolina as I have consider moving there since April. I have been divorced for several years and engaged once to a womanizer. I am not a man hater at all but friendships are now my top priority. It would be wonderful if there was a physical apartment community of 50 year olds. I reside out west but i am an east coast girl.
Yes! Have not been actually single since age 16, now 50 and after dealing with ex I should be ever have married in first place (and makes me never want to link myself to a guy again, as much as I would love an actual good relationship…with an ACTUALLY good man!) I just want to have friendships, god people to hang out with, look out for each other, laugh, Travel, etc. with! Do not want to just be isolated or alone. Recovering from illness, know having positive people around is big healer! I’ve even looked at 55+ mobile home communities, as California otherwise is ridiculous housing costs, but I’m 50…so would be nice to have 50ish community, so that even if you had your own apartment, condo, mobile or tiny house (have seen communities already) with a community center so that for those of us who never chose to have to isolate ourselves…to deal with recovering from illness or for those who will just always be limited, but want to still LIVE!
All of us commenting, obviously huge need (or market) to cater to 50+ women!!
I too have reached this magic age of unsettledness – soon to be empty nest. I always knew where I am living now was not where I wanted to be so my desire to move is just a delayed desire. Like many of the women on here I put my dreams and desires on hold to raise the typical American child who knows everything and occasionally is grateful for my sacrifices.
So, I find myself looking at the youtube videos of so many women who look to be my age who are living in RVs and I am seriously wanting take a leap and be in my own rv traveling the world. I love the outdoors and so do my two Chihuahuas.
If I sell my house I would have the resources but like many of you I am missing that one component that would make this decision a little easier to make for safety and security purposes. A Man. Or a few good girlfriends willing to become full time RVers. The city that I have found that most matches my desires is Austin, TX but, I am not sure I want to trade my life now to go live in a crowded city where you have to choose where you are going to work and then live just because of traffic.
As soon as I pack my one and only favorite child up for college this summer who knows I may find myself living in an RV tiny home or an RV. Who knows? Perhaps I am just a wanderer. When I was 16 I left home to live in California and finish my last year of high school there. For now, I am going to keep looking at the tiny homes and RV’s and deciding where my life is head next.
Hi Lynn: I have a friend who, (along with her husband), up and sold their So Cal condo and bought a 5th wheel trailer and now live along the shores of San Diego in a very popular trailer site. When the rental cost goes up for the summer months, they pack up their 5th Wheel and head to sites along the central coast of CA or head to Oregon. Once the summer season is over they head back to San Diego. They seem to be in very good company. I usually go and visit them at each of the fantastic sites they are staying in. They seem to love the gypsy life.
Dear Lynn and Becky, I am so relieved I am not alone! I think daily of selling my condo and doing the RV living but hesitate because I would be going at it alone and don’t know anything about RV’s. I would like to make this a reality and even better to meet with many 50+ women. I am divorced and mother of 3 grown children. Please contact me by leaving a message here so that D.A. can put us in touch.
About Florida, I forgot to say public transportation is almost non-existent, there is a big registration fee to bring a car into Florida (I think it’s around $400 presently).
In the same boat, my kids are in CA, my family in KY and jobs are really hard to find anywhere with any education level at 53. I have a graduate degree but it is impossible to find work in CA due to the large number of young people and preference for same. Any body know if Nashville is good for single women? I wish I had known how lonely empty nester single mom hood was before it happened because I had no idea what it would feel like. Its really lonely….
Anybody know a great place for meeting men in their 60’s or do they exist? In CA they are hitting up 20 year olds!
Maybe that’s just life.
I don’t believe it is, don’t give up hope! 🙂 It may be harder, and take longer to find someone in mid-life, but not impossible.
I haven’t personally been on the Our Time dating site (not looking for a partner at this time), but might be worth a shot if that’s what you want? They are specifically geared towards people over 50…..
Good luck!
Good morning all, I am a 50 yr old African American woman living in CT.. I hate this place I am in the medical field and am looking to relocate, my needs are simple quiet place near town, not far from water warm all year round and nice people… oh and def inexpensive.
Lisa, If you’re interested in the 50+ Facebook group, and possibly brainstorming with others 50+ and in need of finding work / relocating / getting creative with their next chapters, drop a line here: startingover50plus @ gmail.
Like Lisa (and others) I am 50+ and wish to soon relocate. Brainstorming with others seems like something I would like to try. So, what is the procedure to get on that facebook group? When my elderly handicapped mom passes, I would like to just shake off all the hard work it has been to be a 24/7 caretaker and just eagerly start fresh somewhere else.
Karen, Drop a line here: startingover50plus @ gmail.
Hi there!
I have just spent an entire 90 minutes on this amazing site! I’m a divorced empty nester ( as of yesterday ) single woman who lives in Atlanta. My ex-husband’s job moved us here from LA, he’s remarried. BTW, I am 58. I am needing to relocate as Atlanta has just been a nightmare for me. My twins are in Boston and DC. I’m a receptionist. Where should I go? I don’t like living in the South. Help!
Hi Lisa, I hear you! I’m living in Massachusetts and needing to figure out where to relocate to! I love this site I wish it was more current. What do you not like about the south? I’ve never lived there but I was thinking about looking at the Carolinas or Virginia…
Hey Andrea! The site is current! Pop by the articles I linked in my reply to Lisa. I would offer you the same considerations as I just offered her. I’m not sure why you want “out” of Mass… I did, too, years ago… (I can’t deal with the winters.) I do think the Carolinas and Virginia are good options. A great deal depends on $$$ and your objectives/expectations and support system to help you “land” well… Feel free to drop back again and ask more questions. Thanks for commenting!
Hi Lisa. Glad you stopped by! You and I have a few things in common, so let’s see if I can offer a few useful considerations. (Feel free to pop back and comment again, ask more, and so on.)
I am also an empty nester (we’re about the same age), and I lived in the ATL for a long time. Post-empty nest, with kids here and there, I was also looking for another place to “light” — where I would at least have reasonable access to one of my young adult kids on the East Coast.
First, let me strongly suggest that you hop over to this article and thread — 50 Years Old and Starting Over. Where to Begin? — and while the original publication date is roughly five years ago, I have updated the article several times in the past few years. (Each time I relocate, I learn more, and hope to share it with others.) I also suggest you check out the Starting Over category where I have continued to post on various aspects of relocation, looking for work, health care and other topics that come up when you are over 50 and, well, starting over at midlife — most often, on your own.
Okay, so… I don’t want to recreate all the factors I enumerate in the “50 Years Old and Starting Over” article I mentioned above. However, I will give you a few tidbits right now.
Considerations: your health, your support system, your finances, your transportation needs, your “resilience” in general, your expectations, how much “stuff” you have and whether you’ve begun shedding, your preferences (climate, topography, demographics, interests, etc.), and… drumroll please… contingency planning. By this last I mean… What if the spot you relocate to winds up being a bust? Can you recover from that (i.e., sufficient $$$)? What if you can’t find work for six months or a year in a new location? What if you are injured in a new place? (This is related to your support system (people)).
How much will your kids help with the move itself? How much would they / could they help if for some reason you need them? (You break an arm, for example.)
No, I’m not being Debbie Downer. I’m being pragmatic, having encountered a number of unexpected “challenges” in my own relocations, and now I’m the wiser for them. (Again, read the “starting over” articles.)
One last critically important factor — cost of living. Do more than a general search. Consider as many specifics as you possibly can, and don’t let a realtor talk you into an area without doing your own research. For instance, the closer you get to D.C. (sooooooo expensive!!!), the more your rental (and even purchase) options are not only big bucks, but they are multi-story apartments and condos/row homes. (I found this out too late and with a bad back, wound up ultimately shut out of that market because there was so little/nothing one story. Atlanta, on the other hand, has plenty of small houses that are one story.)
In terms of cost of living, it’s not just housing cost (purchase or rental), it’s health insurance options (everything varies by state and we know that availability/cost of health insurance is a crapshoot); sometimes urban areas offer more options; sometimes only suburban areas offer more options), it’s car insurance (if you need it), it’s public transportation (or its scarcity), and so on.
I’ve lived in some of the areas you’ve mentioned (not just Atlanta, but Boston, MD, VA, PA). If you don’t mind cold, PA may be a good option (not too far from Boston and D.C., and I loved living in PA when I did so). Central VA or more “far out” areas of Northern VA may be your cup of tea (if you like slightly country areas, but again, they are pricey). MD may be somewhat more affordable (colder, slightly). And… you should check city-data AND meetups of all sorts in any areas you are interested in, if you are at all interested in meeting people/dating.
Just another (personal) note — D.C. is crazy expensive. Likewise, Boston. But, if you like Massachusetts (and the cold and snow), it is a great place to be (depending on your politics?). (I’m from there. Do I get to say that?)
About WORK… do whatever you can to cultivate a network in your target destination before you relocate. Receptionist work isn’t specialized, right? So, that’s a drawback. On the other hand, TONS of businesses need a receptionist, don’t they? Hopefully… Okay, go read those other articles! I hope this helped! Stop back and ask more if you wish. And I empathize with your situation. So many of us go through it, and the rebuilding process definitely takes time. So good luck!
This is a godsend!! I’ve been on my own for a long time and seriously thinking of moving from Asheville NC to really anywhere! My kids are gone, I’ve lost my friends and am way out of sorts with being 57 and absolutely lost! Thanks for this!
It IS a Godsend! I’m alone too, no friends here. My son is with me, he would need to go with me as he’s not self sufficient yet. I have never felt lonelier, so glad I found this…
So my story in a nutshell is quite similar to all the others… the only difference is I left my husband when realizing I was gay. So add that to the mess. I am 51, I do not have any children and I’m longing for a place to call home and find my person! I am originally from NY and spent 2000-2014 in Philly when, in 2014, I took a job in Vegas. Vegas is SO affordable and quite nice off the strip but it never felt like home. I relocated to San Diego in 2015 and was lucky enough to have a childhood friend out here that recently went thru a divorce and had space for me. We are helping each other out however I long for my own place to call home and in a gay friendly place so that the possibility of finding love again exists. I don’t want to be house poor. I love to be on the go… the RV thing sounds so good but I could never do alone PLUS you need money and a job. San Diego is beautiful but just not worth it to me. It’s so expensive, you can’t get ahead here. I was recently laid off and wonder if it’s a sign that it’s time to move on again to someplace more affordable, so hard to make that final decision. Moving is so expensive. It’s impossible to relocate without a job because you can’t get an apartment. Just can’t figure out how to do it and for that matter where to go… started researching Chicago.
While I haven’t read on here about any other gay women, I’d love to connect, gay or straight, and troubleshot possibilities. This simple consumes my mind!
Thanks for listening. I love to know more about this Facebook group.
Sue
I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner. If you are still looking to relocate you might consider Houston. We are one of the most diverse cities in the nation, and extremely tolerant. We have a sizeable gay community, and have elected gay officials, including an outwardly gay mayor. You might like the vibe here. Research our Montrose neighborhood, as an example. If Houston is too big, or not funky enough, Austin might be right for you.
Am I the only Canadian woman here? I am turning 50 in January. I was on the road for 5 years with one suitcase working across the country as a registered massage therapist. I have been living in Toronto for the last 2 years and can’t stand this rat race. The reason I came here was because it is familiar I moved here in 97. I wanted to move to the West Coast because I fell in love with its beauty. The beauty of Whistler, and Victoria on the island. Compared to Toronto it is more expensive and a big move. I would have to change my massage license at a cost of 400 dollars and take an exam. At the age of 50 this means new doctor, new everything, I don’t have any family or kids. I got divorced in 2001 after a 2 year marriage. I feel stuck for sure because I had to put my wanderlust aside to stay put in a big city and I want to start a business, even that is hard to do. I love to cook, write, and because I was born in Lyon France to European parents I have dual citizenship so I can move to Europe anywhere and start over in any European city. I just find everything hard at this point and overwhelming. I have seen most of the USA and have friend living in Santa Monica. Canada has limited choices when it comes to climate and re-location. You have a choice between wet or cold, humid or dry? or extremely ass kicking cold. 10 provinces. Any advice is welcomed.
Hi, late to the party, I’ve been separated officially for 3 years, but on my own much longer. Husband checked out of marriage about 7 years before we separated, but I had a child with a terminal illness who loved her dad so I stayed because she needed us. I live in the Maryland suburbs of Wash DC. For those of you looking for someplace affordable with a great atmosphere, have you researched Baltimore MD? Don’t let the news reports scare you, the gun violence is confined to a pretty narrow area, very affordable esp when compared to the rest of the DC area, and a great friendly vibe. Each neighborhood has its own feel, so so many things to do and see. Definitely worth a look. Also, for those of you looking to connect with others have you checked into any of the Meet-Up groups online? I’ve made great friends and done so much with our local groups http://www.meetup.com Best of luck to all!
I am feeling the same way.. single, in my 50’s and no direction… living with someone that is a convenience at best, not a real relationship. Been researching the idea of moving to another country.. like portugual or belize.. anybody have any thoughts about this?
I thought I was the only one struggling to decide where to go next.
I’m a very young 60 year old woman who has been self-employed as a commercial photographer for 30 years.
Work was great up until two years ago. Clients have cut back and some have been fired from the companies that have provided me with a decent living most of my career.
My life changed 5 years ago when my husband passed away. I’m still trying to deal with his loss. I have been thru 2 major surgeries within the past year and a half without the support of my husband.
Our fur baby, a beautiful black standard poodle, passed away January of this year and that was the icing on the cake for me.
I need and want a major change in my life.
I am trying to figure out what part of the country I would like to move to.
I lived in California for many years when I was younger, and as much as I love it there, I’m looking for some place that is affordable, friendly, cooler weather and I want to be able to continue to work at my craft.
I’m traveling to Australia in the fall and would be open to moving there, but not sure how easy a move that would be.
I really want to make some decisions by the end of this year as to what is next, as I am ready for the next chapter of my life to start.
I live in hot humid Miami, and want to be near mountains and cooler temps.
Suggestions welcome!
Donna, Im sorry for the loss of your husband. It sounds like it had a big impact. I relate to you . . . Having lived in California for years myself. And, now searching for where I want to be.
I think I would love to move to Australia even though I’ve never been there! and I know immigrating there is not easy. How have you liked Miami? I love the idea of all the oceans in Florida, but I’m worried about the humidity being too uncomfortable. I’m self employed too. Well this gives me more flexibility as far as moving, I think it would be so much easier to get a job Somewhere first so when I moved I would already have a steady income and a instant community.
I’m so glad to find this blog. I find myself in a lot of fear in the middle of the night worrying about my next step. I moved back to Massachusetts a year and a half ago from California where I have been for 30 years, San Diego specifically. I loved it there but was ready for a change. I’m self-employed and very flexible on where I am… I don’t have kids and I’m single. So I was able to come back here when my mother got dementia, and spend time with her.
Now I am ready to move somewhere else, preferably without snow. I’m looking at Jacksonville Florida. I don’t have a lot of financial resources at all or really any supportive family to speak of. And I find myself in an incredible amount of fear. I have done temporary move out of California and was always with the partner and was younger. In my 50s now and single just feels very scary. I have some reasons for choosing Jacksonville although I can’t say I’m very excited About the location specifically. I’m just really ready to be out of Massachusetts. I have not found it easy to meet new people here, either new girlfriends or men to date. I am enjoying reading all the comments, and knowing that I’m not alone!
It’s a strange place to find myself looking for a location, for a home, with the lack of certainty, energy, money, husband, and friends. So I relate to some of the shares about the lack of these things. I would like to be in a spiritual community with people my age. The climate in San Diego was really unbeatable, and so I am not real clear on other locations that are going to be as satisfying as San Diego was for me. I just know that that’s no longer a viable option for me. I welcome any comments and look forward to continue reading other comments on this board.
My husband and I don’t have kids and he just retired at the age of 65 (I am 57). As a freelance writer, I can work anywhere.
We currently live in Marin County, CA (just over the Golden Gate Bridge from San Francisco).
Marin County is gorgeous, but it is also extremely expensive (average price for a 2 BR, 1 BA 1100 SF house is 1.3M), and very crowded. In San Francisco proper, the median house price is just under 3M, so I guess a lot of Marin is cheap by comparison.
Also, it is kind of hard to make friends in all of the Bay Area (I think this is due, in part, to the rootless nature of the place- at least 1/2 people here are not from here).
The Bay Area is characterized by microclimates, with the coast nearly always cool and the “inland” (other side of range of hills) colder in the winter and hotter in the summer.
Marin is chilly and sometimes very rainy in the winter (not East Coast or Midwest cold, a cold winter day is in the 50s and a hot fall day–fall is usually hotter than summer– is in the mid to high 90s).
Point being: we have to move. Not just houses, everything is expensive here. And now that we don’t have my husband’s comfortable salary, it’s stressful living somewhere so wealthy (sidenote: Marin, like almost all of the Bay Area is VERY liberal and I think that’s why very few people are snobby. They are extremely aware that they are privileged and are grateful/guilty about it).
We looked at Hawai’i but we have a stable but medically fragile cat who could not endure their extremely arduous requirements for bringing a cat onto their rabies-free island paradise (it’s also really expensive and we have 2 indoor cats, but that wasn’t the deal breaker).
We really don’t want to spend more than $700,000. for a single family house (no condos/townhomes!) and that excludes just about all of coastal California.
What we are looking for is a small town/city which is vegan-friendly, bohemian, warm all year and very near the beach.
There are a number of places in CA that meet this criteria, but the housing prices start at 1M at a minimum.
We looked at Key West, FL, which seems bohemian, artsy and open-minded, but houses there also fetch in the millions.
We considered expat communities in Encinitas and Puerto Vallerta mexico where actual estates with gorgeous pools that are right on the ocean can be had for 600-700K. The problem with these two localities is that Medicare is not accepted outside the U.S.
St. Augustine, FL seems like a possibility. There are a lot of vegan-friendly restaurants, which means they have the population to support them.
One of the other FL Keys might also be a possibility.
Really looking to set down roots in a beach town with other liberal/hippish, vegan couples
(I have a preternatural attachment to the sea, having spent all my growing up years there in idyllic bliss with my grandparents. Actually, I like the beach in cold weather too, but my husband really wants somewhere warm).
I see that this thread is about 4 years old, but if perchance anyone sees this, suggestions are welcomed!